


kick off your stilettos

by moonstruts



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Co-workers, I'm sorry for this, M/M, Modern AU, badly written humor, i'm very lazy leave me alone, mostly from stupid jean's perspective
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-14
Updated: 2014-01-14
Packaged: 2018-01-08 16:35:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1134961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonstruts/pseuds/moonstruts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi is in a surprisingly good mood, Eren has a noticeable limp, and Jean is rightfully suspicious. Life at work gets interesting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	kick off your stilettos

**Author's Note:**

  * For [catsonfire](https://archiveofourown.org/users/catsonfire/gifts).



> this was for a prompt candi (danchousnachos@tumblr // catsonfire@ao3) gave me.  
> i completely did not do it justice.

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It is approximately 10:12PM on a Wednesday evening at the local police station in Trost, and Jean is fifty shades of done because today has been quite literally the worst day of his pathetic twenty-year-old life thus far.

A million and one better things he could be doing right now, but instead he is handcuffed and stuck in a police station in between the two assholes he works with, and Officer Smith has the most infuriatingly perfect hair like it's etched in stone, and he is pretty fucking sure he is missing the newest episode of American Horror Story right now.

From beside him, Eren Jaeger is staring, green eyes glazed over, at the back of a picture frame positioned neatly on the desk in front of them, and Jean is apalled that he has the audacity to space out like a stupid shit during an interview. On his other side, Levi is looking way too relaxed to be new this type of situation, which is not surprising in the least (though this adds nothing to reassurance).

Jean is reminded once again of why he hates people. And Wednesdays. But mostly people.

Now, Officer Smith is eyeing them like he can't tell if they're retail salesmen or the spawns of Satan himself, but he suddenly clears his throat and shuffles some paperwork around, and Jean wills him to hurry the fuck up because he's not sure how much more he can take before his mind just collapses on itself.

But before this situation can be resolved, another story must be told.

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**1**

_10:18AM, one month earlier_ —

Jean is sad. And not like pouty lips and rainy eyes and pink-stained cheeks sad. It's more along the lines of broody showers, naked and vulnerable and numb from the cold, hand on the wall, heart in pieces, and  _there will be no songs sung today._

Because it is Monday, first of all, and his latest co-worker had quit a few days ago. He is exactly one hundred and ninety-two percent positive it was entirely Levi's fault. His name was Armin, and he was incredibly cute, and it is all because of his douchebag of a manager that Jean is not in the presence of an adorable blond with the smile of an angel at this very moment.

At 10:20AM, about five minutes after this department store opens its doors, a new kid saunters in, equipped with annoyingly bright and clueless ocean eyes.

Jean watches from behind the register as he introduces himself to Levi, who had just emerged from the nearest employee-exclusive restroom. Eren Jaeger is his name, and he is clearly young and inexperienced. He is also five minutes late, and anal-retentive manager Levi is having none of it.

He brushes past Eren's extended hand, offering nothing more than a condescending blink in his general direction. Jean scoffs because  _been there, done that_. The new kid should have left it at that. But he doesn't. Instead, he grabs Levi's arm and has the gall to _glare down_  at him, and it is already a fact that Levi is counting those ten centimeters with his impossibly calculating eyes and wondering why the fuck this piece of shit thinks he can casually touch him like this.

He gives him a look that could rival the Eye of Sauron. It isn't very effective, because it seems Eren has absolutely no fear.

Life at work gets interesting.

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**2**

_10:19AM on a Tuesday morning_ —

Eren comes in to work late again, on his second day of the job.

Jean wants to simultaneously kick him in the throat and shower him in endless high-fives because he has a bag of oily, delicious, coronary heart disease-inducing heaven in his clutches, and they would get in an ungodly amount of trouble for this, but he also ordered Jean a side of fries all to himself, and god fucking damn it if curly fries weren't his weak spot.

He prays to whoever might exist out there that Levi does not find out and that he does not get his ass skinned because of this newbie.

His prayers are not answered.

Apparently, Levi has the nose of a bloodhound, and either Eren is retarded or suicidal, or perhaps both, because he straight up missed the garbage can, and wow, good job to him for getting rid of the incriminating evidence.

He would have been better off spitting in Levi's face, honestly.

The older male has this insanely sadistic look in his eyes, dead and gray, as he beckons Eren into the employee restroom, and Jean is split between fearing for this kid's life and finding an odd sense of amusement.

Eren reappears from the back about fifteen minutes later, with damp hair and rainy eyes. He quickly wipes his water-stained cheeks on the sleeves of his wrinkled dress shirt and goes back to work in complete silence.

Jean almost feels bad when the thought of Levi literally making him eat shit crosses his mind.

Almost.

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**3**

_3:46PM on a Friday afternoon_ —

A week and a half later, and Eren is doing a magnificent job at being absolutely horrible at organizing inventory. He has clearly never worked in retail before, much less the shoe department, because the floor is like the remaining battlefield after a revolutionary footwear war.

There are open boxes everywhere: some missing shoes, some with extra shoes, and some not even recognizable as boxes anymore. The back room is an even more devastating graveyard of shoe boxes, and none of this does anything to help Eren find the correct pairs for customers to try on, which he is already unfathomably inept at.

Lately, on particularly slow days like these, Levi has Eren working in the back most of the time, probably to rearrange all the shoes to their appropriate boxes, and maybe they can be put on actual shelves like they were supposed to be.

Things get boring for Jean again. Perhaps he takes watching his co-workers try to rip each other's windpipes out for granted.

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**4**

_5:46PM on a Monday evening_ —

Eren pulls out a pair of shoes that aren't even from this store. Probably not even from this country.

Why hasn't this lummox been fired yet?

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**5**

_1:02PM on a Wednesday afternoon_ —

Jean returns from his lunch break and is greeted with surprising news. It seems even Levi has somewhat given up hope on the terminal mess that is Eren Jaeger.

He feels a sense of triumph somewhere inside because he is so sure the little asshole got himself fired, finally.

He didn't.

Levi gives him nothing but a blank stare that is also questionably insulting, mostly due to his perpetually disgusted expression that he was probably born with (and Jean is willing to bet his pinkies on that matter).

Eren sends over a small wave and a smile, brighter than the god damn sun, from behind the register.

Correction: from behind  _Jean's_  register.

He is standing in Jean's spot and breathing Jean's air, and  _what the actual fuck_.

He searches his manager's face for any signs of the possibility of this being a cruel and sick joke, but of course, Levi doesn't kid, and he is actually making him switch jobs with the new kid, and that means working the floor and having to,  _ugh_ , move around.

This son of a bitch comes in, absolutely fails at being alive, and yet somehow gets Levi to switch his job? Either he sold his soul to the devil, or he sucked someone's dick because this is just unreal.

Jean pauses in his march of defeat to glance back at Eren, who is avidly chatting up a storm (more than likely about something useless) to Levi, who is only semi-listening but looking much less annoyed than he should.

The thought repeats itself again and again in his mind, and Jean is at a loss for words.

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**6**

_6:58PM on a Thursday evening_ —

Eren shocks everyone because as it turns out, he is surprisingly adept at working with customers when not forced to run around grabbing shoes and putting them back and being even the slightest bit organized.

He gets a hefty amount of praise and smiles and  _'_ _oh my you are such a dear'_  from elderly ladies who frequent the store to purchase flowery flip-flops and leopard-print slippers and the occasional pair of six-inch heels that no one over the age of fifty should be allowed to wear.

The male customers are just as generous.

Jean pushes aside the drifting voices of chatter and pays no attention to the shamelessly sly winks and cheap pick-up lines aimed at the newcomer.

Levi does not.

His mood today takes a turn for the worse, like  _'I_ _have been constipated for three months and my bowels are finally allowing me the release i desperately need but every toilet in a ten mile radius is either clogged or out of service'_  worse.

Levi is all poisonous glares and sharpened claws, and Jean makes sure to stay a safe hundred feet or two away. He also doesn't miss the way Levi hastily attends to all the male customers before they can reach Eren and the way his expression darkens by another frightening level each time his penetrating stares go unnoticed.

When closing time comes around, Levi immediately orders Eren into his office with a sharp waggle of his finger and mentions something to Jean about finishing things up out front on his own.

Well this is odd.

They don't come out by the time everything is done, so Jean just shrugs and skips on home.

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**7**

_10:14AM on a Friday morning_ —

The next day, Levi is in a significantly better mood, Eren comes in on time with a noticeable limp, and Jean is rightfully suspicious.

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**8**

_2:30PM on a Monday morning_ —

Eren is thus banished from the register, returning to his usual work in and out of the back room, and Jean is as confused as he is ecstatic.

As much as he would like to enjoy this minor victory, Levi is being weird, and Eren is seemingly invincible, and maybe it's time to investigate.

Jean makes a decision.

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**9**

_7:44PM that Wednesday evening_ —

It's risky business eavesdropping on your manager and co-worker while they are clearly having a private discussion in the back office, but in all honesty, Jean probably hasn't even begun to realize the negative repercussions of his mindless actions.

He leans in a curious ear, pressed as silently as possible to the hard wood door, and strains to hear.

The voices are hushed and hurried, making everything fifty times harder to interpret, but he manages to make out some words.

("Wait _—_ "

"What."

"Let's talk about this."

 _Sigh_. "There's nothing to talk about."

"Please, give me another chance, Levi. I know I fucked up that one time, but  _please_.")

A voice suddenly rings out from the front, and Jean curses inwardly, sends infinite looks of utter frustration at the customer in front. He helps her with her return and sprints back to his shrouded position at the door faster than he's done anything else in his life.

("Do it, you piece of shit, before I stab you in the neck."

"Ah, wait! Gimme a sec."

"Move."

_Slap._

"...  _Did you just fucking—_ ")

Eren's shrill scream sends a jolt of shock through Jean's body, and panicked strings of thoughts race through his mind in a blur because  _holy shit did Levi just stab Eren holyshitholyshit oh fuck isn't he technically a witness to his attempt at murder kind of not really holy shit what._

The heroic side of his conscience wins, and his body lurches forward, slamming the door open with a sickening crack.

He is afraid. So very afraid because he expects to see Eren in a pool of his own innards, something sharp (possibly a pen or a stapler) stuck in his jugular and Levi hunched over him, thin lips curled back in a sadistic snarl and eyes too far gone.

What he doesn't expect is Eren on top of Levi at the edge of his pristine desk, both with their hair askew and lips wet and dicks hanging out. There is a reddening mark on Levi's rear end, probably from the slap he had heard, and the older male still has an arm curved around Eren's backside, hands roaming, fingers prodding.

Well then.

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Erwin lowers the papers back onto his desk and massages the bridge of his nose with a deep sigh.

"Okay, so what happened after that?"

No one speaks until the officer looks up again with a stony stare. Jean flinches.

"Jean freaked the fuck out and ran back in front where he pushed a lady and almost killed her chihuahua," Eren pauses. And then he adds, "He also broke the front door."

"Shut the fuck up, you ran out without your pants on," Jean frowns at him and scoffs. "Who do you think scared the lady more."

"That wouldn't have happened if you didn't scream and flee like a little bitch."

"Excuse you, Levi was going to off me so I wouldn't rat. Don't think I didn't see him go for the scissors."

Levi shrugs.

"Maybe you shouldn't have rudely barged in like that."

"Maybe you shouldn't have had your dick up his butt."

"Maybe you need a dick up your ass."

"Fuck you, I'm not paying for the damages."

"Neither am I."

Officer Erwin Smith remains silent in his seat, just puts his head in his hands, and dies a little inside.

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**Author's Note:**

> the prompt was "eren and levi get caught acting super super super lovey-dovey by someone (you choose who) while their public relationship appears to be indifferent/neutral/ok friends who get on each other's nerves 24/7," and i'm pretty sure i did it wrong.
> 
> also, don't ask about my titles because they make sense about 0% of the time.


End file.
